Post by Simon Wells Pendergast on Nov 19, 2012 19:18:31 GMT -5
[bg=b6aadf][atrb=width,350,true][atrb=border,0,true] simon wells pendergast |
[/blockquote][/color]
"I cheat on every test and assignment."
WHAT'S THE NAME, THERE, KID?
"Simon Wells Pendergast, at your service. Yes, my last name sounds funny. Yes, I've heard all of the Simon Says jokes. I got my middle name from H. G. Wells. No, not actually from[/] him. As that would require a medium of some sort, and if you ask me, those people are really dodgy. Anyway, my dad's brother, who—like Mr. Wells—died before I was born and was really into sci-fi. I'm just glad my parents didn't like the sound of Simon Herbert Pendergast. The only way you could pull off a name like that is if you smoked cigars, wore suspenders, and had a busted time machine that only took you back to the 1950's.
...Some people call me Si. I call them lazy."
SEX? “YES” IS NOT AN ACCEPITABLE ANSWER, MIND YOU.
"Totally a dude, complete with dangle-y parts and a Y chromosome. Like a boss."
HOW OLD ARE YOU? AND WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY?
"Seventeen. My birthday's April 20th. Are you going to get me a present? I'd like a signed copy of the Eurythmics' Greatest Hits. Signed by Annie Lennox, mind you. Not David Stewart. And maybe a few gold-plated whores."
SO YOU'RE IN SCHOOL, THEN? WHAT GRADE?
"Senior. Sadly not the kind that get awesome discounts on brunch and get to sit on porches in rocking chairs, sipping mint juleps, all super fly."
NOW A PERSONAL QUESTION, WHICH WAY DO YOU SWING?
"Left! Uh...I think? Left is gay, right?"
HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU THAT YOU LOOK LIKE A FAMOUS PERSON?
"Mat Musto, according to this random chick I bumped into once. I went to Google them, but I ended up looking up cabarets and emus. Cabarets then emus, that is. Sadly, no one has been able to get a bunch of knock off ostriches to sing and dance. Yet. Please, excuse me while I laugh maniacally."
WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE THINGS? TRY NOT TO SING THEM.
"First and foremost, octopuses. I don't even remember when I decided octopuses were the epitome of awesome, that's how long I've loved them. My worn down stuffed cephalopod, Crumbly (later given the more dignified name of Mr. Crumbly), also attests to my adoration. What I'm getting at is if there was a world-wide Number 1 Fan title for octopuses, I'd win it even if I had to win it through bare-knuckle boxing.
I really like hard candy, which is contraband in my house, so lets just say that if I wanted, I could probably successfully become a drug runner. I have the experience. I wonder if they take applications?
I love painting. I do a lot of portraits. Though for my current project, I decided to paint much more visually captivating covers onto old books. I'm half way through the Nancy Drew series. Now it looks like it's about lesbians. Occasionally mystery-solving lesbians, but most often just lesbians.
Oh, grommets! Who doesn't like grommets? They're even fun to put onto—into?-- things.
Orange. Favorite color. What's up now?
I like the ocean. It is the home of octopuses, giving it some awesome points automatically, but it's pretty neat all on its own. I've always lived near it, so I guess there's a familiarity about it.
Anderson Cooper. Stop judging me! He has charisma.
I really like radishes. Don't look at me like that, I was raised by healthy people.
DISLIKES?
"I don't really care for ball-jointed dolls. They're ridiculously creepy, but likewise creepy BJD people pay me money to do 'face ups' for them. So at any given time there's dismembered doll parts scattered around my room.
Scary movies turn me into a total pansy, it's embarrassing. I just get way into them. Yeah, I'm one of those annoying people yelling at the dumb blonde to not going into the scary woods/house/abandoned camp/satanic gymnasium. She never listens.
It really annoys me when my parents harp on me to get a job during the summer. They seem really keen on their idea that art isn't an acceptable way to make money, only jobs accompanied by misery and soul-abrasion count to them. I manage to appease them and not gain employment at the same time by writing 'Great oral communication skills. Winky face.' on the applications I find so subtly placed around my room.
S-hooks make me cringe in dislike. They're just so...so S-hook-y. Spindly little useless things.
The way the word 'vintage' is thrown around in the crafting community is ludicrous. Or so I hear. Again, stop judging me!
Missy. She's my mother's Pomeranian. She's evil.
I can't say I like not being able to drive, but apparently I just suck at it.
I try to avoid getting drunk since I turn into a weepy, clingy mess when I do. No one wants to see that."
IF YOU HAD ONE WISH, WHAT WOULD YOU WISH FOR?
"Easy! I'd wish for a giant talking octopus that would be my best friend forever and ever! We'd go on adventures and everything. You are so jealous, aren't you?"
THAT'S NICE. NOW, WHAT SCARES YOU?
"Crabs are so creepy. Not the body lice kind, they're just gross.
The masks used in the 'Oh Industry' performance in Beaches. I've had reoccurring nightmare about them. Seriously. Yes, I'm a seventeen-year-old boy who's seen Beaches, I regret nothing!
Death scares me a lot. Not my death, but the people around me. I've never lost anyone I care about, I don't know, the whole thing just frightens me.
What terrifies me the most is my parents getting a divorce. At times, it just seems so imminent."
BIRTH PLACE? HOW DID YOUR PARENTS TAKE THE NEWS?
"I was born in Newport, Rhode Island. According to all the family photos filled with horribly outdated clothes (Overalls Mom, really?)and surroundings (Is that a Caboodle in the background!?), they seem really happy. I mean, I was planned and everything, so they knew what they were getting into."
WHAT IS YOUR FAMILY'S FINANCIAL STATUS?
"My parents were pretty well off. But then my dad's accounting firm went bankrupt. Hence all their nagging about perusing 'real' means of supporting myself. I especially love to get this lecture from my mother when she's getting my sister ready for a ridiculously expensive pageant. Yeah, we're not as rich as we were before, but my sister (and by proxy, my mother) don't have to give up her ugly dresses and tiaras just yet."
WHAT WAS YOUR CHILDHOOD LIKE? AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, ARE THERE ANY EMBARRASSING PHOTOS?
"I'm tempted to say normal, but we all know that's just reflexive BS. After all, in some households, it's perfectly normal to dress up taxidermy squirrels. Let's see, a better way to describe my childhood would be well-adjusted, I guess. I mean, I was never neglected, beaten, or molested. And I always got ridiculously spoiled on Christmas to boot. Yeah, I wouldn't make a great Lifetime movie. A Hallmark movie on the other hand...God, those things are nauseatingly cheery.
Though I know there are some who would look askance at my family. There's my dad, an accountant and train model/miniature Victorian house enthusiast. Then there's my mom, a nutritionist and rabid pageant mom. And they both think a shoe museum is the perfect destination for a family vacation. Not quite taxidermy, but still weird.
Yeah, I got picked on in school when I was younger, but then so did basically everyone. Even the whole gay thing didn't really stir up a ruckus. In fact, I never 'officially' came out to my parents. It wasn't a choice, it just never really occurred to me. After hanging up with my mother one day, it just hit me that I just got done telling her all about my boyfriend, which she was not at all surprised about. Just not a big deal.
All in all, I know my family can be equally lame and weird, but I know how lucky I am. Two words, taxidermy squirrel."
ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD? DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? NO, SIBLINGS DO NOT COUNT AS PETS.
"I have a sister. Kirsten, she's fifteen. She was a howler monkey in a past life, I swear. She's always yelling about something. I hated her when she was born, of course. But eventually, I realized she had great minion potential. That changed when she turned four and gained dominance by beating me up. Don't laugh, I was a tiny kid. Every since then, we've raged war against each other. Okay, it's mostly just hurling insults and ratting each other out, but whatever. I guess if she wasn't my sister, she'd be an okay person. Don't let the pageant stuff fool you, she has brains and a some steel balls to go with them.
And then there's Missy, who is evil incarnate. She's practically like my sister since my mother is entirely too attached to the thing. Yeah, she's one of those creepy pet owners, the ones that like to call themselves pet parents. Ew."
SINCE YOU WEREN'T SO FORTHCOMING WITH THE EMBARRASSING PICTURES, YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO TELL ME YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT.
"Like two weeks after my dog, Aardvark, died, I randomly started crying over him in a crowded store. I was like eleven. The story doesn't end there, of course. Nope, I cried so hard, I made myself puke. It got all over my pants and my mother made me take them off before heading to the changing room so I wouldn't track puke all over the store. It was a really long, drafty walk."
HA, THAT'S HILARIOUS. SPEAKING OF HILARIUS EMBARRASSMENT, HOW'S YOUR LOVELIFE?
"Well, right now, I'm as single as a thrift store bookend, but I can tell you of my past experiences. Gather 'round.
My first relationship, if you can call it that, happened at a Christian summer camp. Not what you're thinking, promise (mostly). I was only there since I caved into parental pressure and got a job I thought wouldn't suck completely. So I signed up to be a camp counselor. I didn't realize the camp was a bit church-y until I got there, but it wasn't too bad. I met another camp counselor named Brian. He was really cute and funny, need I say more? Okay, we did it in a shed near the lake and I got horrible rope burn on my hip. The rope burn was way more memorable than the actual act. You would think you'd get a better memento from your first time, but whatever. Brian didn't bother breaking up with me when camp ended. He just didn't respond to any of my calls or emails. I got the message and moved on with my life. Though I did find him on Facebook. He's gotten a lot more Jesus-y and a lot more hetero, but his beard has a great sense of style.
My only real boyfriend—public and everything—decided to break up with me by cheating on me with some Hollister-wearing douche of the highest order. Two weeks after we started dating.
And that's it for the wonderful love life of Simon Pendergast. Short and unimpressive. And no there's no euphemism in that.”
ells central none
[/center][/font][/color]OH YEAH COOKIE ?! OF CAUTION 2.0 MADE THIS! AND WILL POKE EYES OUT IF I STEAL OR CLAIM AS MY OWN T.T
[/COLOR][/CENTER][/color][/td][/tr][/table][/center]
